Ernest Y. Koe

Smalls things loosely joined.

Category: epistemology

HBN-34X Harbringer Mk II

HBN-34X Harbringer Mk II by ernestkoe
HBN-34X Harbringer Mk II, a photo by ernestkoe on Flickr.

Lt. Tyrion Draegor stands watch in his Harbinger assault class mech outside the firebase walls; his trusty Firoxi giant firehound stays by its side and keeps a watchful nose out for creepers and the Others. It has been three Standard days since the last onslaught. Draegor’s Dragoons are low on autocannon ammo, water and, most importantly, Irish Whiskey. But today is just another day in the life of a merc; and for now, Green Betsy’s autocannon is still bristling with a full chain of 20mm smart-incendiary rounds, and for a few more hours before the relief dropship hits this godforsaken dustbowl of a planet, it is the same old story of a man and his dog, longing for home.

I haven’t build anything with Legos since Junior High. When I watch Beckett play with his trains and Duplos, I am reminded of the hours I’d spend making things, designing, redesigning, imagining new worlds and creating them; driven by nothing else but an internal desire to realize some internal joy. Intrinsic motivation, if there is a such a thing, feels like the very thing I have been trying to get back to in my adulthood.

"Hobby"

So, I find myself at a crossroads of sorts. True clarity still escapes me but a few things have come into focus.

For the first time in over twenty years, I have a hobby, photography. “Hobby” is a terrifying and alien word; terrifying because it is as much a statement about my relationship with “work” as it is one about “life.”

Words can be oppressive but I suppose language is inherently political.

My hobby is already teaching me a few things about myself. For one, I miss the joy of being immersed in one’s craft. Work used to be that way. Though, these days, I don’t wake up looking eagerly to write code or create user-interfaces. I lament the loss of that feeling particularly since the whole point of not having a regular job in the first place is to avoid the trappings of modern job-life. Work was play, and the existence of a hobby appears to have changed that equation. It bothers me deeply.

But I awoke this morning to a small insight. Beckett is three months and a week. He caught his first cold a few days ago, and has been a pitiful, heart-wrenching mess. This morning, at five thirty a.m., he was crying to be changed. I tried to focus.

C is starting her second day back at work after a three month long maternity leave. And as I laid in bed to coax resolve into consciousness, it occurred to me that I was tired. I felt this deep weariness borne from the wash cycle of life that was the last three months, a tiredness borne from the strange alchemy of happiness mixed with worry. In the confluence of all these changes, my rational center is struggling to hold, and my creative self is working overtime to compensate…

Intelligent Design Redux

idiotsguidetoidAs reported here by Jacksonville.com, State Senator (R) Stephen Wise from our fair city of Jacksonville wants to require teachers to teach “the idea” of intelligent design alongside the “scientific theory of evolution” in order to promote “critical thinking.” The quotes are mine to underscore the utter inanity of the language used in these kinds of discussions.

Talk about missing the point. Perhaps we can teach faith-based arithmatic in Calculus. That way, we would finally be able to apply our critical math skills to solve real world problems. We wonder why we have a crisis in our public education system? It’s because our public discourse is still stuck in the last century.

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